brown lace

“I would love to have met the father of my son”
-This is Us



My Son

When I look at you
I see oceans of
memories, blue from
the sadness of my mistakes
and deep as the pain
of my flaws

I look at you
and I see the steam
of my coffee
awakening my soul
for the day
the reason for my
need to be awake

I look at you
and I see a box
like the one
I placed you in
limiting and suffocating you
in thick brown layers of

I look at you
and see your mother
holding you to her chest
soothing you
with the sound of her
until your tears dried off
on her blouse

I look at you
and I see a grand piano
with every chord and key change
you become sound
and from sound
you become deep emotions
bringing tears of joy and sadness

I look at you
and see brown lace
blowing in the wind
flapping in the breeze
intertwining threads of
love and hate
unsettled by the pegs
that bind you to
this place

I look at you
and I see my features
etched in your skin
when I look at you
And look into the
depth of you
I see the night sky
dark and familiar
yet full of the unknown
bursting with mystery
and wonder

But, like this
night sky
you are too far away
my son
like the galaxy that
you have become
leaving me nothing but
a telescope
that I use to find you
each night
I become an astronomer
night after night
gazing and longing
for you
from far away

all I ask is
for you to
look down at me
and see my repentance
listen to the sound
of my sorrow
see for yourself
my acts of penance
and hear the
final lines of
my last song

“I beg of you, my Son
look at me
What is it you see?
Do I remind you of anything?
if so
What can it be?”



“a malignant and invasive g…”


I am a galaxy of cells
destined to be made
and unmade

I felt you inside
destined to grow
and unmake me

I grew old with you
as you grew and
became me

I felt the pain you made
as my own blood
left me
with the vexing calls
of your invasion

I let them take you
but their elixirs
only soothed the song
of your voice
making your ballad
sweet to the soul

now the moon
in all her power
can no longer
keep you back

I feel you
making your way to my heart
becoming new
becoming growth
growing inside me

until I am consumed

and trapped
in my traffic
lost in my own
exhaust fumes

take all of me
now, I plead
I love living too much
to let you become
and live my life

I would rather
be ashes and
food to the wind


the queen and her crown

This is a contemplation piece of the traditional role and characteristics of a woman in relation to a man. There isn’t much of a resolution but I do wish to explore such in future pieces.

Your back felt firm beneath my fingers
All your life you stood proud
back straight, waist girdled and chest puffed up to the sky
From your first breath you spoke power
At the sight of your difference the world bowed
bowed beneath your back
bowed beneath your chest
slowly submitting to nothing more
than the space below your waist
the world between your thighs

As your sacred realm grew
so did your esteem and ego
And there THEY tell me
There, below Him lies my purpose
And so I cowered below your waist in search
Only to find nothing
After nights of deep motion
And endless devotion
I am left numb
And as you reach your climax
I am left with nothing but a whisper
floating from the shadows

You have stood behind His back
You have bowed beneath His chest
And cowered beneath his hand
You have placed both body and soul at His feet
But still you are nowhere to be found
Have you found yourself?
Where are you my child?
Where are you looking?

I have tasted the depths of His manhood
And my lips have embraced the nothingness of His name
And I find that nothing exists in it nor around it
Nothing for me, at least
I do not belong here
I am no more in Him
than He is in me
Our fleshly entanglements are but
Fingers running through the wind
Cries the Queen
While hanging from the throne of a beggar

by L J Tausili

lost romantics

a piece expressing the completely unstructured and expressive worship expected in the expression of love and devotion for a significant other.

let the strands of my crown grace Your face
as we dance side by side
waist to waist
arm to arm, and
shoulder to shoulder

lay all your emotions on my bosom
as I have, in Yours
speak to my soul
make it beautiful
as you deem fit

show me, Love
the allure You see in my eyes
Reflect them back to me, in Yours

the sheets crumble
like waves between us
as I pull the tides from your shores
leaving bare the sand
of Your hidden Island

let us move within and without
until the clouds give way
to the sky it mounts
dancing in the night
 with wings take flight
no burden on your shoulders
let the rage run free
as we howl at the moon

Deepest Love of mine
You are more to me

more memory than linen
longing for the texture of your lips
I wait in small infinities for your clarity
From the rising to the setting of the sun

I live…
and I wait

if the night had no moon
by the Gods, you can replace it

my heart beats in your direction
only to the rhythm of Your song

just as my sword is drawn at your command
so will my feet rush
to the whisper of your presence


I buff my chest to sway your eyes
But only to see them look deep into mine
with every look
knowing me more and more

as a soldier
I stand guard at your tomb
awaiting your resurrection each day

Oh Love
You are more

know this, at least
Swift Joy of mine
I am no more brighter
than the sun that you are

we were always one
even before we bore the gods
You were mine then
as I am yours, now
bound in the silk fabric
of time and space

let your hair comfort my soul
as my fingers revive your spirit

my Love,

I bow only
beneath your shadow
because you are the stars in my night
my deep need for life, and
the very words to my lamentation

forever the sombre song of the
sleepless mockingbird